A Love That Transcends Romance
The fullness of love lies in the depth of presence, vulnerability and connection.
The discourse on love often happens through the lens of attachment. Many of us become preoccupied with questions of “Am I too dependent on my partner?” or “Do I have a healthy relationship with those around me?”
These very important questions quietly shape the standards by which we measure intimacy. And yet, at the core of our interpersonal reality, there is our relationship with love itself. This is a relationship we unintentionally take for granted.
For in our relationship with love, there is desire and fear. There is hope and uncertainty. Stuck between the yearning for closeness and the risk of vulnerability, we struggle to surrender. Endless dichotomies unfold, shaped through our memories, experiences and values. So, let’s pause and witness how these tensions inform our ability to love ourselves, others and the world around us.
In this blog, I invite you to consider how you would really describe your relationship with affection. As you do that, I want you to remember that love begins in our capacity to listen inwardly, to feel safe in connection and to meet distress with compassion.
Losing Love Through Emotional Disconnection
How can life flourish, how can our bodies grow and our souls align, in a space void of energy and expression? We were meant to respond to life’s passion and vitality. Born to experience what the world has to offer, we all instinctively exist to cry, laugh and love.
Like the falling of Icarus, many of you have found yourselves unable to latch onto this birthright. What has happened along the way can be an endless list of possibilities: a difficult childhood, an experience of loss and abandonment, a subtle and persistent sense of dislocation. And the list goes on. For reasons beyond your control, you were left with echoes of emotions; feelings once embraced now linger as ambiguous concepts, drifting just beyond our reach.
Yet it is understandable and common to resort to numbness as an act of self-preservation. When emotional expression was experienced as a threat, suppression became the only viable alternative. Instead of compassion, the response was criticism. Instead of empathy, the reaction was dismissal. Amidst this tension and chaos, emotions became too costly to feel. Perhaps, in order to protect your pride, identity, and sense of belonging, you learned to disconnect from these feelings. And today, the language of your inner world may have grown quiet, even in moments where safety is present.
However, what started as an act of protection is slowly costing you parts of your life. Research has consistently shown that emotional suppression is associated with decreased physical well-being, a higher risk of mental health disorders, and can even seep into your relationships, leading to reduced satisfaction and intimacy.
The question remains: How can our own emotional resistance keep us from experiencing intimacy in our relationships?
Emotional disconnection shows up in our relationships through the:
Inability to receive care
Avoidance of emotionally-loaded conversations
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Feelings of lonely despite the shared experiences and memories
Difficulty in expressing your needs
Quick withdrawal in moments of conflict and tension
Five Ways You Can Explore Emotions
Simply inviting you to explore your emotions can seem almost impossible. However, with small and practical steps, you can start your journey today:
#1 Listen To Your Body
Most psychologists and mental health professionals recognize the connection between our bodies and minds. What cannot be articulated in words will find a way to communicate itself, often physiologically. Take a moment and see, where do you feel the tension today? Is it in your shoulders, head or chest? Do you feel the heaviness of unacknowledged burdens? Listen to your body, and it will respond.
#2 Name Your Emotions
Yes, you probably know what emotions exist. You may have their names in your vocabulary. However, what we’re seeking right now is not an intellectual pursuit, but an emotional one. Whenever you feel stuck, overwhelmed by a strong grasp of a physiological reaction that you cannot explain, take a look at the wheel of emotion. Think of the situation that probably triggered your feelings, and instead of turning towards action, take a moment to give voice to what’s coming up.
#3 Try Journaling
Aristotle has said, “The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.” Even in describing the world, we do so from our own eyes, perspectives and lived experiences. Through journaling, one can create space to shift their focus to their inner world. Rather than writing to explain or analyze, try approaching journaling as an act of emotional listening. Begin with an emotionally focused prompt such as: “What’s stopping me from looking at my emotions today?” Even scientifically, compassionate expressive writing supports emotional regulation and reduces psychological stress by helping us process experiences that may otherwise remain unarticulated. Journaling can be your bridge to connect your thoughts, emotions and identity.
#4 Feel With Compassion
If feelings are an entity, they would know when and where they are unwelcomed. Similarly, the emotion that we regard with shame and criticism will remain hidden and unreachable. Research supports that how we relate to our emotions is a core component to our emotional resilience. Therefore, practice self-compassion by meeting your emotional experience with warmth, openness and acceptance.
#5 Seek Support From A Professional
Emotions can sometimes feel so overwhelming and complex that entire professions are devoted to understanding them. Feeling stuck in your feelings can, at times, be a protective response to emotions that feel too difficult to face alone. By seeking the support of a professional, you create a space where these emotions can be approached with care, curiosity, and safety.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart”
― Helen Keller
Much more can be said about the intricate bond between love and emotional connectedness. However, through my words, I hope to invite a new discourse on romance; one that starts from the self before it spreads to the other.