To Be a Woman

“I am grateful to be a woman. 

I must have done something great in another life.”

– Maya Angelou

As we rejoice in the glory of women and mothers, we celebrate them not in roses, but in the memory of their tired hands and their relentless pursuit of something greater.

The discourse on womanhood has always been filled with dichotomies; caring and receiving, vulnerability and resilience. In essence, it is the underlying tension between visibility and guardedness. 

Most of us strive to work competently, ethically and with integrity. We think of our families and loved ones as we climb every step of that ladder. We hope- no, we declare- to receive the recognition and acknowledgement for the spaces we fought to occupy.

Yet, with recognition comes the risk of being seen, judged and targeted. For generations, we have heard it in our elders’ frail voices: the warning to shrink, to soften, to hide from a world that does not always know how to hold visible women with care.

Here’s the truth: The world can be unkind to visible women. However, survival can never exist in disappearance. 

The Double-Bind Situation

Flaws in societal and industrial systems create challenges for women in positions of visibility.

The double bind dilemma: If you’re nice, you’re too friendly to be taken seriously. If you’re assertive and masculine, you’re too unlikeable to be where you are. In the face of society’s warnings, many of us really struggle to unapologetically exist. 

For many women, being acknowledged means being at the forefront of criticism. It means that some people will doubt your abilities, be jealous of your success and decide for you what needs to be prioritized. Despite research showing that unpaid labor is still disproportionately a burden on women compared to men, many will automatically point the finger at the woman when a family starts to struggle.

Therefore, the risk of visibility is not centered on who says what, but on how this impacts women’s mental health. There is increasing research showing the psychological struggles and persistent burnout women face in their day-to-day life.  

In such cases, I plead with you to remember: The solution is not to shrink into what little space society may have offered. It is to be steady in our visibility, united and harmonious. It’s because in this visibility, we can extend empowerment and strength to one another. 

Teachers of Life

Our resiliency in the face of such risks was a skill accumulated through time, experience and observation. It shows in our subtle glances directed towards our friends when we’re uncomfortable, the precautionary steps taken when we walk alone at night and the quiet calculations we make before we fully trust someone with our personal space. 

Much of our behavior has been shaped by the following: 

Intergenerational Lessons

Through generations, we had also inherited the subconscious warnings about the world. We were taught when visibility can open doors, and when it can invite harm. These lessons were often in protection. They were survival strategies shaped by histories we may not have lived by ourselves. We can honor the women who carried these lessons before us with deep empathy while also allowing ourselves to believe that protection does not have to mean permanence. Each generation holds the power to soften what was once necessary for survival into something gentler, freer and more hopeful.

Experience and Memory

Every encounter leaves an imprint. Moments of being heard encourage openness; moments of dismissal, danger or betrayal teach caution. Over time, memory becomes our roadmap, shaping how quickly we trust, how fully we reveal ourselves and how carefully we choose the spaces we occupy. 

Our Body’s Signal

A woman’s body carries with it memories, emotions and instincts. It is the sanctuary she trusts and preserves to guide her toward her goals, dreams and desires. Our somatic experiences help us understand safety and danger. In moments of distress, we may flush, tremble or grow still. Listen to your body to know more about yourself. And if something feels amiss, if the body is reacting in ways you cannot fully understand, it may be a signal to seek support, reflection and care to better understand what it is trying to hold or heal.

Identity and Intersectionality

Our perception of the world and of ourselves is often shaped by our identity. The many layers we carry can introduce nuanced challenges: Gender, sexuality, religion, ethnicity, socio-economic status and the spaces we are allowed or denied access to. These layers influence when we feel safe to be visible and when we instinctively choose guardedness. This is not to say that struggle must define our narrative. Rather, it is just as validating and self-compassionate to recognize that navigating visibility and protection is not a personal failing, but a response to the realities and expectations placed upon us.

Self-Protection Reframed

Self-protection can move beyond survival and into agency. Instead of fearful guardedness, we can be mindful of the wisdom we hold and the awareness of when to step forward and when to hold back. Boundaries can be a strength that allows us to remain open without losing ourselves. Choosing when to be visible can be an act of intention rather than obligation. And when we choose to withhold, there is a difference between emotional privacy and suppression. One preserves our dignity while the other silences it. 

We do not have to disappear to stay safe. We can be discerning, present and visible while still protecting what is most tender within us.

You Are Seen

To my grandma, whose resilience broke walls, 

My mom, who bloomed at the sight of colored flowers,

My daughter, who has forever shined in the light of her becoming,

My sister, who taught me the duality of softness and strength,

My girlfriends, who carried my sorrowful melodies for hours,

My next-door neighbor whose warm smile softened ordinary days.

To you, the women of the world,

Those with an unwavering devotion for life’s creations,

Who have always sought alignment of the mind, body and soul,

Who carried on the legacy of their ancestors with violent compassion.