The Moving Standard: Why Success Doesn’t Feel Special

How many times has it happened to you?

You complete a project, maybe even a whole degree. You can finally see the results of sleepless nights, accumulated knowledge and relentless discipline; only to be met not with excitement, but with a curious emotional flatline. At best, there’s relief. It’s the kind that lets you unclench your jaw and drop your shoulders as a heavy burden lifts.

But here’s what you do not experience:

A sense of accomplishment.

Feelings of fulfilment.

And that warm glow of “I did it” that lasts beyond the moment.

If this resonates with you, here’s what you need to know:

When success becomes relief, you lose the ability to pause and savour the victory, to turn the end of the struggle into the start of something meaningful.

Perhaps this is something you’ve already sensed. Maybe that’s why you clicked on today’s blog. There’s a part of you that recognizes this quiet distance between you and a life full of satisfaction and pride. So, let’s delve deeper. Together, let’s unfold the layers of perfectionism, exploring the levels at which it can truly impact your emotional well-being and sense of self. And if you continue just a little longer, you’ll learn new ways to find the internal confidence you’ve been missing.

There’s no fun in stressful work. Just ask your nervous system!

Before we even talk about our internal processes, we can start by recognizing the significant impact of the hustle culture on our neurological functioning. Yes, stress is not an invisible state of being. In fact, it is loud, powerful and demanding.

When a person anticipates a specific reward, he will work for it. Sometimes, he will push himself hard, investing hours and energy to finally touch the reward he’s been struggling for. However, he must’ve missed an important detail: The body does not forget.

When we put ourselves in a constant state of tension and striving, our stress hormones remain elevated. Cortisol and adrenaline surge and stay high. Why does this matter? Because these physiological stress responses aren’t inconsequential. Research shows they can dampen our sensitivity to reward, dulling the brain’s ability to experience pleasure or satisfaction even when the goal is achieved.

When your self-worth is tied to success, every step is a threat.

Each task becomes a silent test of your value, and even small setbacks can feel like personal failures. The constant pressure to prove yourself turns ambition into anxiety and passion into burden. Evidence has shown that when self-esteem depends on performance, a concept known as contingent self-esteem, people will experience greater emotional instability and stress. Interestingly, individuals will not only feel this distress in response to failure, but even the act of performing itself will feel like a threat to their sense of self.

Therefore, internalizing your self worth is not only a personal triumph, but it is an act of defiance. It is your way of redefining success. It is what allows you to live by the goals you choose rather than the pressures of others.

You make them proud. But what are they really proud of?

A person’s inner life often echoes their ties to others. When your circle emphasizes achievement, its ideals can quietly seep into your own. Striving for growth isn’t inherently unhealthy, but it becomes costly when you lose the capacity to connect with loved ones beyond status and milestones.

Beyond what we already discussed regarding conditioned self-esteem, the social mirror can be especially potent for people high in emotional attunement. We’ve always thought of empathy as a strength. And while this is true, even this quality is to be expressed mindfully. Because at high levels, it can heighten sensitivity to others’ judgments, making personal wins feel less like fulfillment and more like a performance for others. Emerging evidence links elevated empathic tendencies to greater negative affect under evaluation, suggesting one pathway by which external perceptions dilute internal reward.

Five Ways to Finally Smile With Pride

#1 Reconnect with what you value.

In the words of the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne, “The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” Rediscover the human beneath the striving. Learn what genuinely moves you. Pay attention to what fills you with energy and meaning: the activities, values and moments that make you feel vividly alive.

#2 Pace yourself– and your body.

To succeed, we must be disciplined. To relish in pride, we must also be present. Instead of pushing the body into a state of stress and agitation, let’s pause. Slowing down is self-preservation. It is being attuned with the body’s signals for rest and care. Mindful presence is a skill that can be practiced to help your nervous system learn that effort can coexist with ease. In that balance, self-fulfilment becomes possible again.

#3 Acknowledge the efforts.

Take a moment to name what you did well, no matter how small. Recognize the patience, consistency or courage that got you here. As research on self-compassion shows, honoring your process strengthens resilience far more than self-criticism ever could. Integrate this compassion into every step of success, so you never lose sight of the human behind the effort.

#4 Practice emotional ownership.

Sometimes, we care deeply about what others think. That’s only human. However, when those opinions begin to define how you see yourself, they quietly take ownership of your emotions. Through therapy, coaching or honest self-reflection, you can begin to trace your feelings back to their source. Over time, this helps you separate external judgment from internal truth.

#5 Rejoice in small celebrations.

The coffee you enjoy after a long task. The walk you take after finishing something that mattered. The deep breath before starting anew. These small rituals of celebration teach your mind and body that achievement is safe, that success can feel warm instead of heavy. Over time, these moments accumulate into something deeper than relief. They become evidence that you are living, learning and thriving in your own rhythm.

Allow yourself the graceful gift of growth.

This is your kind note of remembrance: Change takes time. Learning to value your successes is, at its core, learning to value yourself. Celebrate yourself frequently and pace your efforts without guilt. Eventually, you’ll find that true fulfilment is in belonging fully to your own self.